Follow the leader

It looks like my mind has once again recovered and is onto creative endeavors. I'm driven by the ability to create something people enjoy, using my head for something other then pointless ramblings in a basement. I honestly don’t know if im going to tackle a small machinima, create a trailer or write for a long term series but I need to do something to get my mind onto “paper” who uses paper anymore anyway. I know I have other things to get done that im neglecting but I really think that being happy is more important than any else on my plate right now.

Consumed by misguided emotion

Down the hole again. I reach for the walls gripping anything that I can, just trying to hold on…Its no use, the walls are too steep and the hole consumes me. As I fall I realize that this all feels familiar as if I've seen it or have been told about it, the thought is interrupted as I hit the ground. The pain is intense. I almost rather die than experience it any longer but I quickly dismiss the notion. I struggle to my knees.. then to my feet and realize I need to find a way out of this darkening pit. Nothing else seems to matter but the idea of escape, its all that’s on my mind. “The pain needs “to stop “the pain needs to stop” as if nothing else matters. I sit down…tired. Closing my eyes I hope tomorrow will get me out of this hole or at least get me some light…

Where oceans bleed into the sky

I’m not sure why I’m blogging at three in the morning but sitting here waiting for the latest episode of Stargate to download has left we with little very little options. I wish in this post I can discuss all the good in my life but lately the good seems so hard to come by. I seem to be riding a daily emotional roller coaster with no real end in sight. I can however say I'm actively working on a solution to this problem; If one even exists. Who knows it could be my mind blowing things out of proportion…but regardless, i feel how i feel and technicalities wont change that. I’m starting to wonder if people that think the way I do even have a real shot at any kind of happiness…I suppose once I reach a point where I am content with my life I wont struggle to drag myself to school or work while I long for purpose. Hopefully that will be sooner than later.

Reflecting upon Stargate, it seems these people..these characters.. even though they are in life threatening situations daily, live such amazing lives. Adventure, excitement, variety, such strong relationships its no wonder why I watch shows like this and play games like mass effect. They represent the life I wish was possible but sadly just is not..life and death decisions have to be made on a daily basis in shows and games like these, I'm pretty sure the most I have to deal with in my life is worrying about delivering a speech for com 101… It simply just does not live up, perhaps in the relationship area it holds a candle but of course that's another roller coaster for me to ride.

All I really know for sure is something needs to change, things need to be reformed and I myself may need to rethink my standpoints on certain things. At the current rate I don't have much reason to continue the day to day activities we all are so accustomed to. For now it seems I just have to continue pushing through the dismal abyss until I’m shown a way out.